Cuffin Season is long gone and with the weather beginning to heat up, it might just be time for you to fall back......
By: Cashondra "Cash" Roberson (with the Myron assist)
I think it is the uncertainty of not knowing whether falling back is the right thing to do in the first place. You may look back and and thank God you fell back from a past boo for whatever reason but the decision can still be challenging.
First you need to ask yourself why am I considering falling back in the first place? Has the person somehow fell off the face of the Earth, meaning the text messages, phone calls, and FaceTimes have come to a screeching halt? Or maybe its something as trivial as them liking an ex’s photo on Instagram. Either way, determining the right reasons to fall back on someone has its own set of burdens and once you finally decide, there are a few more hoops you need to jump through.
First you need to learn how to transition from talking to someone on a consistent basis to not at all. Maybe you have an inside joke or a subject you and your former boo always laughed about but now you cannot share those laughs anymore. It sucks yes, but it could be a lot worse!
Here are four things Myron and I think
you should avoid doing while attempting to fall back.
1. Stop Lurking
We are all familiar with the “lurk and get you feelings hurt” saying. Well nine times out of 10 that is exactly what happens when you lurk. Seriously did you expect to scroll through their tweets and see a love letter made out to you in 140 characters or less? You can let that dream go. Unfollow their Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and especially their Snapchat (seeing their day to day life is the worst) because most likely you are going to find something that is going to anger you or make you assume the worst.
So my advice when it comes to lurking?.......Don’t! *Bryson Tiller voice*
If the person you are falling back from is petty (pretty sure they are), make sure you do not lurk their tweets. Most likely they are going to assume that you are lurking and do and say things directed at you. A few tweets might be about you. That song they are lip syncing to on Snapchat is probably for you. You are a fish. The person you are falling back from is a fisherman. If you do not want to be reeled back in by the fisherman, then do not put yourself back in those same waters....makes sense?
2. Avoid Being a Repeat Offender
If you do decide falling back is the right thing to do, be consistent! You should avoid falling off from them one week and then you are back Netflix and chilling with them by the weekend. For one, this type of drama is unhealthy and unnecessary. Second, it ultimately leads to trust issues by not knowing what the other person is doing during your time apart. Last but not least, you will never know where you two stand and a stable satisfying relationship is almost NEVER the outcome. If you are going to fall off…do not saddle back up.
You are human I understand. If you were in love with the person, it will be extremely hard to fall back. You probably will fall off and saddle back up on that horse. However if you do get back on that horse and end back on the ground again, LEARN FROM IT. Aaliyah said "dust yourself off and try again' but I am pretty sure she would tell you to do something different if you KEPT GETTING DUSTY!
If you are going to fall off, consistency is key.
3. Get Out Of Your Feelings
So you are on your way home from a night out with friends and for a moment your mind is off “bae”. However, soon as you get in the car you put on that playlist filled with Drake and Bryson Tiller songs. You are no longer just headed home but you are on a one way trip to the deep sea that is your feelings. From personal experience, I can tell you this is not a body of water you want to dip your toe in, let alone go deep sea diving. Reminiscing on everything and shouting those lyrics that just happen to fit your thoughts perfectly is the wrong way to go and will lead you places you swore you would not go like your ex’s inbox, the DMs of the person you know is for EVERYBODY or sending a drunk text to the very person you are falling back from.
Avoid "Exchange" by Bryson
Avoid Draking and Driving
Avoid raining days
Avoid things that take you to that horrible place called Feelingville. We all know this place well. When falling back, you will probably visit Feelingsville but the key is to make sure your visits are not lengthy and are not frequent. When you are in Feelingsville, try and avoid social media, alcohol and texting.
4. Don't Let Your Hormones Win
Probably the hardest thing to fight when falling back (besides lurking) is your hormones. We are all human and crave contact at some point. Even if it is not right away, hormones can come back at the worst time. Maybe you see your old bae out looking good (which us females tend to do on purpose after a break up) or maybe you have been listening to every slow song in your phone and now you feeling like you want that old thing back. Either way, anything you KNOW puts you in the mood is something to avoid. Trust me, hormones will have you dialing that "cuddy buddy" or former bae "hey big head" with the quickness. Before you know it, you getting that "I'm outside" text and we all know what happens after that..
Hormones are a lot of people's kryptonite when attempting to fall back. Hormones will have you liking 92 week old pictures, falling in DMs, texting that person you hate and much more. I believe this is the biggest threat to falling back (especially to ladies). Ladies do not be wanting to raise that count so they saddle back up after falling back. My advice is if you truly want to fall back, you have to beat those hormones. That might mean you need to practice abstinence for awhile. You might need to personally get in tuned with your "star player". You might just need a new hobby to keep your mind off things. You do not need sex, it is a choice. If you go into falling back without answering that question, the road will be a difficult in my opinion.
P.S: Ask Cash about reading "The Wait", it might help.